


there's something I think I oughta tell ya

by theonlytwin



Series: let's you and me jump in that river [3]
Category: Silicon Valley (TV)
Genre: M/M, PWP
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-10
Updated: 2017-09-10
Packaged: 2018-12-26 06:26:05
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,551
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12053208
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/theonlytwin/pseuds/theonlytwin
Summary: Richard buys the thing in, like, a bewildered, sleep deprived, semi-accident, because he’s restocking on lube from the online shop with the very anonymous packaging, and they have a add-to-cart sale on, and it looks, in the picture, like a relatively normal dick.





	there's something I think I oughta tell ya

**Author's Note:**

> this was a head canon for reserve that spun rapidly out of control. the first thing in this series is pining, the second is pining with a happy ending, this is just porn!

Richard buys the thing in, like, a bewildered, sleep deprived, semi-accident, because he’s restocking on lube from the online shop with the very anonymous packaging, and they have a add-to-cart sale on, and it looks, in the picture, like a relatively normal dick. 

It’s not ribbed or glittery or bluetooth enabled or horse sized. It’s dick shaped, the kind of pink people call flesh-toned even though all the erect dicks Richard’s actually seen (his own and in porn) are not that colour, but like - that makes it real without it being uncanny valley style _too real_. “Five inch real feel”, says the link. He’s five and a half, when he’s hard, so that’s - nice? Is that nice? He can’t tell.

Anyway, he’s buying lube because he’s out, and he’s out because he was just jerking off, and he was just jerking off while watching a guy fuck another guy and he thinks: maybe I’d like that. It’s only $12.99. 

He’s been alone a long time - in the sex sense. 

He’s always hated - most porn, because it’s just - visibly cheap sets and shitty acting and fake sounding moans and stupid muscles and there’s a part of him that like, worries about? The actors? So many of them look sad or tired or stressed. So when he finds something he likes, he watches it - a lot. Returns to it. 

And what he’s been returning to recently is stuff with names like “sweet sensual guys fucking” and “college twinks get handsy”, and the thing is, he can’t remember how he started watching gay porn - it’s always been a percentage of his porn intake, but it used to be maybe 20-25% and now it’s pretty much 100%, and it’s, um, not - he doesn’t think about any person in particular, when he’s jerking off. And if he does, he tends to immediately mentally castigate himself, because he’s not meant to be thinking about Jared, or Monica, or his senior year maths teacher like that. Not that it means anything. He once accidentally thought about Russ Hanneman while jerking off.

He just - adds a dildo to his cart and has almost fully forgotten about it by the time he finishes putting his paypal password in, because it’s like midnight. He falls asleep and has a confused dream about opening a small, anonymous parcel finding a whole, pale, person - naked limbs unfolding and enveloping him. 

All that remains of this when he wakes up is the distinct thought: flesh is lots of colours.

The entire night returns to him in vivid detail when he gets the parcel - left for him on his desk, with an Amazon Prime delivery of shirts, by Jared.

He looks at the packaging and thinks - fuck. I bought a dildo. 

***

Nearly five years later, on a Sunday morning, he tells Jared about it.

“I’ve never - had sex with a man, before - you. This. The other night.” It’s been less than a week since Richard fucking - jumped him in the kitchen. 

“Thank you for telling me,” Jared says, and presses a kiss to his knuckles. 

Richard hitches the pillow a little higher, trying to be serious. “I mean - I'm. I have no idea what I'm doing. Obviously.”

Jared laughs, a little, and Richard tucks his head down, to feel the laugh lift his chest. “I like what we’ve been doing very much.”

“I’ve been thinking about it for - years.” 

Jared is silent, so Richard looks up, and he’s - smiling. Sweet, soft, hair hanging over his forehead and eyes sleepy, in a good way, not the way they are when he hasn't slept in days.

“Tell me,” Jared says. “If you want to.”

“I - bought a dildo, once - when I was - like I knew I was in, in love with you,” Jared beams at this, as he does every time Richard says it, “but I was - like, in denial, and I was thinking I might - I should know how to - y’know.”

Jared’s hand moves from his hip to brush over the top of his ass.

“But I - didn’t. I couldn’t. I don’t know if - my arms are to short or I’m not flexible enough or wasn’t - like, in porn, it looks easy!”

“Pornography is not a good educational tool, Richard.”

“Yeah, no, I know. But I - like, I never got it, inside me more than - like, half an inch, never got it to feel good and I just stopped, after a while, because it was kinda, y’know, sad and whatever.”

Jared turns toward Richard slightly, bringing his half-hard dick into contact with Richard’s thigh, his hand - his huge fucking hand - cupping his ass - still gentle, careful. “I could, if you’d like - it would be an honor to - help.”

Richard feels drunk on the look in Jared’s eyes - dark and thrilled and - and - possessive. “You wanna - fuck me?”

Jared inhales, very fast. “I want what you want.”

“Say it,” Richard wraps a hand around Jared’s dick, strokes once. Jared’s mouth falls open, his tongue touches his lower lip. “Say it,” Richard says again, breathless.

“I want to fuck you, darling.” Jared squeezes his hand, and Richard bucks forward, so their dicks meet.

“Oh Jesus,” Richard moans. “But - but - wait,” Jared stops moving, eyes still wide and hungry. “I used to - I started blowing the dildo. Like - practicing a blow job. I’d - I’d lie on my back,” Jared pushes him, with his whole body, onto his back, hovers over him, pinning him into place. “I’d - jerk off with one hand and have this - fake dick sliding in and out of my mouth, pretending someone was straddling me.”

“Someone,” says Jared, and Richard closes his eyes, turns his face into the pillow, trying to hide, even though their dicks are touching and he’s totally exposed. 

“You - thinking about you and feeling like shit because it was - bad and wrong.”

Jared kisses the corner of his closed eye. “Oh, Richard,” he says, “you’re not bad. You’re not wrong.” 

“Show me,” Richard tells him, tugging him by the elbows, drawing him up.

Jared laughs again, pushes himself up and away, climbing around Richard’s body until his knees are planted either side of Richard’s head, so his dick hangs just in front of his face.

Jared folds himself over, and sucks a kiss into Richard’s thigh, wraps a hand around the base of his dick - Richard reaches up, around Jared's leg to do the same, to guide Jared into his mouth, to swallow him down like he practiced for so long, alone - and Jared makes a noise, which vibrates around his own dick - and it’s - it’s fucking incredible. 

He’s sixty-nining. It took him until his thirties, but he’s finally sixty-nining, and it’s great. Jared’s longer than the dildo, and the angle is different and his legs box him in, and Jared’s mouth is very hot, very wet. This is - there’s a reason why people don’t shut up about this, it seems.

Richard breathes through his nose and thinks about Jared fucking him. He feels the head of his dick bump against the back of Jared’s throat. He runs the fingers of one hand down the cleft of Jared’s ass. He fucked Jared on Wednesday and it was - Jared had fingered himself open and coaxed Richard’s dick into him, whispering encouragement and compliments.

He has never been great at sex, but it’s been consistently great with Jared, which is absolutely all on Jared. Richard lifts his head off the pillow, taking Jared’s dick deeper, choking himself a little, pulling Jared’s hips towards him when it seems like he’s going to pull away.

“Richard,” Jared gasps, “Richard, Richard,” and Richard nods, marginally, feels Jared shake and spill. 

Richard swallows, licks, swallows.

Jared is mouthing clumsily at his thigh, composure gone. It’s fine, Jared will make it up to him. He rolls off Richard, lies upside down on the bed, one hand behind Richard’s knee.

“I had - wondered,” Jared says. Richard props himself up on an elbow. He wraps the other hand around his dick. 

“Yeah?” Richard asks, rolling his wrist slowly, enjoying the slide of Jared’s spit. 

Jared turns his light eyes - to Richard. “How you got so good at that.”

“Well, it was me alone with a dildo, too scared to fuck myself.”

Jared sits up, covers Richard’s hand with his own. 

“You know - and I hope you don’t find this off-putting - I’m a little glad.”

Richard flops back onto the bed, lets Jared take over. “Why?”

“Oh, it’s silly. I’m just - happy to be first.”

“The only,” Richard’s close, and Jared speeds up. “You’re the only one, it’s only you. Fuck, Jared, please.”

“I’m going to make you so - so - happy,” Jared says, sounding like he’s going to cry. “My darling. Richard.”

Richard comes on his stomach, like he used to when he was jerking off alone. Now, though, Jared lovingly laps it off, kisses the tip of his dick, spoons him with one arm folded across his chest and strokes his hair. 

“Do you - still have it?” Jared asks, contemplatively.

“Um. Yes.”

“Would you like to bring it over?”

Richard holds Jared’s arm closer. “I mean - do we need it?”

“It was just a suggestion.”

“Yeah - I just. I like your real dick better.”

Jared presses his face to the back of Richard’s neck. “I like your real dick, too.”

**Author's Note:**

> maybe if i get time i'll write another chapter?


End file.
